Today, I had an interesting internal experience around taking pictures. I took a late afternoon walk at one of my favorite open spaces in Loveland where normally I see few people and an abundance of hawks and eagles. Today, I saw no hawks or eagles and an abundance of people. These weren't just people out for a walk, they were photographers toting $50,000 cameras with lenses that were longer than a kayak. I felt intimidated, small time, insignificant. I even, for a moment, tried to hide my little camera under my jacket to appear like I was just a walker out enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.
An internal dialog began about why I was feeling what I was feeling. My mind wanted to explain it, define it, justify it, reframe it so I would feel different. Then I stopped. Literally stopped walking. Stopped talking to myself. Stopped letting my thoughts pull me out of my feelings. I just felt. There were a number of emotions I could name and some that came and went before I could label them. When all was felt, I heard the some truthful awareness arise inside reminding me that I am not my camera, my success, my failures, my title, my blog, my thoughts, my fear, my anything. I am not separate from anything I truly desire.
No bird photos were taken today. Just a snapshot of that moment in time when I knew myself to be whole and felt a sense of well being in the world. Here is one from this summer.