Hat's Off to Me
So...I am not really sure that the week's theme is actually "freedom" because I honestly don't know how to shoot this conceptually. I feel like in my life, freedom has become more than a concept or even a state of being like happiness. And when I begin to describe what freedom means to me, I recognize that there may not actually be a language for it. It goes beyond liberation or independence or even self-determination.
Several months ago, as a way of exploring this word and concept, I sat alone in my office and began saying out loud "I want freedom!" At first, it felt like I was politely ordering something from a menu like "I'll have the apple pie a la mode, please." Then, I noticed the volume of my voice gradually increasing and soon I was shouting my demand, "I WANT FREEDOM!". After yelling it about 50 times with some intense shakti behind the locution, the word "freedom" began to sound like a foreign language...like a notion rather than a thing I could demand to have and possess. Eventually, the words "I" and "want" also began to disintegrate into something frivolous. I noticed certain people popping into my awareness as though I was demanding that they give me this thing I wanted called freedom. They left as quickly as they came. I kept shouting until no one else appeared and the words truly had no meaning, relevance, context or story associated with them.
Then I just stopped. I stopped suddenly like a blender being shut off from high speed. All thoughts settled instantly and I was left in stillness. I felt like I had escaped a vicious hurricaine that was still raging somewhere outside of my being and stepped into a peaceful, quiet sanctuary. I sat in the stillness for awhile noticing only effortless breath. In that place, only one word revealed itself. Creator.
Since then, I feel like I have stopped chasing freedom and instead, recognize freedom as everything.